Let’s talk about the thing that makes so many new mums cry in the shower while speed washing their hair and singing Twinkle Twinkle at the same time: going back to work after baby.
Whether you’re still pregnant and mentally rehearsing your return to work speech, or you’re deep in the newborn haze with a tiny human asleep on your chest and a return date looming on the calendar like a storm cloud, we see you. This is so much harder than anyone warns you about.
You might be feeling a whole cocktail of emotions right now:
- Sad
- Guilty
- Kind of excited (wait, am I even allowed to say that out loud?)
- Terrified
- All of the above before 7am
Nobody says this out loud enough: whatever you’re feeling is completely valid. You’re not failing at this. You’re just doing one of the hardest transitions in the whole parenting gig.
The Tension Nobody Warns You About
A friend of mine, let’s call her Sarah, hit me up about this exact thing when her bub was six weeks old. She was glowing, and not just in the “haven’t slept in three days” kind of way. She told me she was already counting down the weeks until she had to go back to her high pressure job in marketing.
She looked at me dead set and said, “I love my job. But how the hell do I leave him and still feel like a good mum?”
She didn’t want to give up the career she’d worked so hard for. But she also didn’t want to miss a single gummy smile. And that right there is the heart wrenching tension so many of us live in, whether we talk about it or not.
There is no version of this where you don’t love something and lose something. That’s not a flaw in your plan. That’s just what it costs to care about more than one thing at once.
So How Do You Manage the Return to Work?
There’s no one size fits all answer, but here are some things that might help soften the edges.
1. Plan for the Logistics AND the Emotions
It’s easy to get swept up in the practical stuff: childcare drop off times, pumping schedules and whether you can still fit into your work pants (leggings are forever now, let’s not pretend otherwise). But leave room to actually feel things too.
The sadness, the guilt, the weird flicker of excitement about adult conversation and a hot coffee you get to drink while it’s still hot. It’s all part of it, and none of it cancels the rest out.
Tip: try not to schedule anything big or emotionally demanding in your first week back. You’ll need room to breathe and get your bearings.
2. Find Your New Rhythm, Don’t Force the Old One
Trying to slot straight back into your pre baby life is a bit like trying to wear your pre baby jeans two weeks postpartum. Uncomfortable, unrealistic and frankly unnecessary.
This is a new version of life, not a worse one. Give yourself permission to build new routines, new boundaries and maybe even a new definition of what “doing well” looks like.
3. Brace for the Second Wave
Here’s something people rarely mention: the first day back is often not the hardest day. The real gut punch tends to land around week three or four, once the novelty has worn off and the exhaustion has properly settled in.
If you find yourself crying in the work bathroom a month in and wondering what’s wrong with you, nothing is wrong with you. This is just the bit nobody puts on the inspirational quote graphics.
4. Talk Pumping and Boundaries Out Loud, Early
If you’re expressing at work, sort out the practical bits before you’re standing in a supply cupboard with a pump and zero dignity left. Where will you go. How will you store it. Who do you tell, and who frankly doesn’t need to know your business.
Setting the boundary early (“I have a non negotiable block at 11 and 2”) saves you from having the awkward conversation later, mid meltdown, mid leak.
5. Let Go of the 100/100 Fantasy
You don’t need to be 100% at work and 100% at home. You’re a human, not a split screen. A brilliant, tired, loving, doing her absolute best human.
Some days your inbox wins. Other days the laundry wins. Every now and then you’ll somehow nail both and feel like a superhero. Enjoy that feeling, but don’t expect it weekly. It’s a bonus round, not the default setting.
6. Lean on Your Village, Loudly
You were never meant to do this solo. Whether it’s a partner who takes the bedtime shift without being asked twice, a mate who texts “you’ve got this” at 8am on the dot or the daycare educator who somehow becomes your unofficial therapist, lean in.
Ask for help. Take the help when it’s offered. There’s no gold medal for white knuckling it alone, and nobody is keeping score except you.
7. Watch the Money Talk Too
For a lot of families, the return to work decision isn’t just emotional, it’s financial. Childcare costs can eat a huge chunk of a second income, and that’s worth sitting with honestly rather than feeling guilty about.
If going back doesn’t add up once you’ve done the actual maths on fees, fuel and your own sanity, that’s useful information, not a personal failure. Crunch the numbers without the guilt sitting on your shoulder while you do it.
8. Remember: Whatever You Choose Was Made From Love
This is the part worth tattooing somewhere you’ll see it on the hard days. Whether you go back full time, part time or not at all, it is a decision made out of love.
Love for your baby. Love for your career. Love for yourself. Love for the kind of life you’re trying to build for your family.
There is no universally right answer here. There’s just your answer, made with the information and energy you had on the day you made it.
A Gentle Reminder
These early months are wild. Emotional. Exhausting. Genuinely beautiful in the moments you’re too tired to notice at the time. And they move faster than anyone warns you.
Whatever you’re doing right now, whether that’s soaking up the slow newborn days or steeling yourself for that first morning back at the desk, this moment matters. You’re allowed to feel more than one thing about it at once.
You’re Doing It Right
Messy, magnificent and imperfectly perfect. Whatever comes next, you’ve got this, and so does every other mum doing the exact same juggle somewhere across this city right now.
Brisbane Family Life 